Breaking the hiatus...

Well, because I felt like writing and because David kept asking for a new blog post....here's one.

Before I get philosophical, I just want to take a moment to be happy. Happy about life and general, and happy about specific things....such as: I met Scott's family this weekend. I wasn't really too nervous going into it because I still staunchly believe that if you like people, they'll like you....but it was still exciting. I really, really loved the ones I met. I think the two people I was most worried about having a good relationship was his mother and his neice, Layla; the former because I've seen enough to know that even the NICEST moms will be critical of anyone dating their sons, and the latter because babies can be anyone's toughest customer. Well, I already knew I was going to love his mama before I met her, and I was right...and she genuinely seemed to like me, too. I already knew I'd love Layla (I'd seen pictures of her and don't think it's possible not to think she's beautiful), but I didn't know how she'd react to me....and she took right up with me. By the end of the night we were playing on the floor together and she pointed at me when my name was said. I love kids so much. And now, on to the more philosophical side of my thoughts.

You know, sometimes I forget just how much I wanted to go to NYC.

That was my big dream in high school, and through most of college. When we were freshmen at ASU, I remember my then-best friend asking me on a bus ride, "Why are you even going to college? Why don't you just go to New York and act?" And I seriously considered doing just that. But I used the excuse that if I didn't get a college degree right away, I'd probably never go back...and I always said I was saving up money to go.

Now here I am, ten years after that dream first took root in my thirteen year old head, five years after that bus conversation. I still save my money. If I got on a plane now, I could last for at least a few months, even without any kind of a job. I still keep auditioning for shows, even if they are community theatre productions that I'm not getting paid for. I'm thirty pounds heavier than I was when I first thought about taking off and going...and even then, I was too heavy to really make it as an actress in a big city. People still ask me on a regular basis when I'm leaving...and for a while I said I was leaving this fall. Then this fall happened, and I ended up in Nuncrackers....that kept me here. Other things happened around the same time I was cast...and those kept me here, too. Well, at least one of those.

And sometimes, now, I wonder if I still really want to go at all. I still remember what that city feels like. I've been enough to know that the thrill is a familiar one, one that never fails to whisper, "This is where you belong." But now...I really love Asheville. I'm really happy here. There are far too many things within a two-hour radius of my home that I just don't think I could leave behind right now. Most of the time, I'm absolutely convinced that I'll be perfectly happy here for as long as I want...because at this point, I am perfectly happy and content. The only thing that's really making me unhappy is how much I miss someone when I'm not with him...but even missing him makes me happy in a way. I'm glad that I finally have him in my life to miss, instead of just missing having him in my life.

Who knows? I might stay here forever, or I might be halfway around the world this time next year. I might just be getting all philosophical because I watched The Muppets Take Manhattan last night and I still have Kermit's speech about "The frog is STAYIN'!" ringing in my ears, and it's pulling the part of me that gets lonely to the city that never sleeps. It's prodding me, asking me if I'm someday going to regret not taking that chance.

But to counteract that, there's so much family here. My blood family and my theatre family...both are always changing, always being added to and subtracted from, but they're here, and I love them. I think that love got reinforced this weekend when I got to meet another family very much like my daddy's, right down to being just as Southern. Only those kinds of Southern families can make you really, really feel at home with them, and I realized you don't get that in New York. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have big family dinners to help clean up after, open arms to hug, and sweet little babies to play with. It may seem a little mundane, but I really do love the simple little joys in life.

For better or for worse, I'm here for now. Here and now.

And since I'm in the habit of ending with a quote...here's two, not consecutive at all, but both from a Christmas chapter of The Time Traveler's Wife. The second relates to the blog...the first I just think is beautiful. I love this book so much...I'm reading it for the fourth or fifth time, now. Maybe if I keep plugging it with quotes, everyone I know will read it.


Clare: It's getting lighter outside. "Merry Christmas," I whisper. Henry doesn't answer, and I lie awake in his arms thinking about multitudes of angels, listening to his measured breath, and pondering in my heart.

Henry: Home sweet home. No place like home. Take me home, country roads. Home is where the heart is. But my heart is here. So I must be home.