I keep thinking of good subjects for blog posts. Then I forget what it was I was going to write about. So, instead, I'm going to answer one of those random questionnaires. The kind that go around Facebook. This particular one simply asks for 15 random facts. Simple enough. I promise to try to be as absolutely random with these facts as I POSSIBLY can. None of this "My favorite color is cerulean" crap. Which it is, by the way.
1. When I was a little girl and my Granny passed away, my family once caught me standing alone in the middle of a field waving up at the sky. When asked what I was doing, my response was, "Oh, just waving to God and Granny". I also still remember talking to my Granny at the chain link fence in Kindergarten - I would ask God to go and get her for me, then I'd wait a minute, then I'd tell her all about my day. I can't really remember my Granny, but I remember this, and it's my proof that she was my best friend in the whole world. I still talk to her, sometimes, and I still think it's amazing that a woman I only knew for the first 3.5 years of my life has had such a profound impact on me. She is my biggest role model, although all I really have to aspire to are stories of her and a strong physical resemblance.
2. June Bugs are the only creatures I think I've ever been intentionally cruel to. I just hate them so much, and I always have. I would catch them eating our rose bushes and pull their legs and wings off. One flew in my hair while I was sleeping as a child; I'm pretty sure this had something to do with my immense hatred for them. The only other bugs I really, really can't stand are cicadas (locally called locust), and that's more terror than hatred.
3. Apparently there was an Amanda Phillips who got married on September 25th of last year. She also registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. This has apparently caused some confusion for some of our wedding guests...most notably my mother, who wondered why the heck we'd registered for beer mugs.
4. I was a dancer for 18 solid years of my life, from the age of 2 to the age of 20. I haven't really danced, other than the occasional number in a musical, since I was 20. On Monday, I will become a ballet teacher for three different ballet classes, ages 3-4. Somehow, even with 18 years of ballet behind me, that 5 year gap has made me utterly terrified of this new development.
5. I really think that everyone has more diverse interests than we give them credit for, and that you can't tell what people like and dislike just by what "type" they fit. However, I also really and truly believe that I have more diverse interests than anyone else I have ever met. I spent a few unhappy months of my life trying to figure out exactly what mold I best belonged in, and I only ended up frustrated. I think there are plenty of people who just don't fit a mold...my problem is I fit so MANY molds. I finally decided to say 'screw it' and now I choose to step into whatever mold I like best at the time. Hence the title of this blog.
6. I have an inexplicable attraction to plump, redheaded women. I really don't know quite where this started. This is not to say that I have the hots for every plump redhead in the world; actually, I would classify myself as at least 95% straight, but I think anyone who thinks they are 100% straight is in complete denial. However, of the women that I am/have been attracted to, whether in real life or on the screen, nearly ALL of them have been plump redheads. I also have a desire to BE a plump, middle-aged redhead. I'm not really sure if the desire to be one fuels my attraction to them, or if it's vice-versa. All I know is, I'm deeply in love with Molly Weasley, Mrs. Paroo from the newest version of The Music Man, the Unsinkable Molly Brown from Titanic, and my third-grade friend Mary's mother.
7. Along the lines of the 'mold' idea...I have never truly decided what it is I want to be. I mean, the thing I MOST want to be is an actress...but I'm happy to do that in a community theatre setting, just so long as I still get to act. But as far as a career? Again, it's not that I can't find what I want to do...I just want to do so many things, I can't settle on one. I love teaching right now, but I still want to bartend. I want to run a bakery. I want to be a veterinary technician. I want to be a private nanny. I want to work as a receptionist. I've already waited tables, house managed a theatre, been a church secretary, and worked in a library. I want to do all those things again, too. Unfortunately, this is no way to make a living. Even MORE unfortunately...Scott is the same way. We're both happy to work any job (although I'm pickier than he is) and we can't settle on any one thing we want to do. However, I think if I could get a job teaching drama in a regular classroom...that'd probably make me happiest. Good thing that's what I went to school for.
8. I really and truly love the musical Cats. And I can't really and truly explain WHY, exactly. With Cats...you either love it, or you don't. If you love it, it's incredibly hard to put into words what's so special about it. But something about the show actually speaks to me, as hokey as that sounds, and the few times I've seen it live, I've been so excited that I've been on the edge of my seat bouncing up and down with tears in my eyes as soon as the overture began. It's an easy musical to make fun of because the fans can be so fanatic, and fanatics are always easy targets. But I will still defend it ever chance I get, even if my defense is simply "Shut up, it's my favorite show".
9. Along the same lines, I really love The Rocky Horror Show/The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's not the same level of love, and honestly, I don't love it as much as I once did. But most people love RHPS for the spectacle of the live show, for the rice and the water guns and the shouting at the screen. That's fun, and I love it. But not as many people love the movie just for itself, and I really do.
10. For as long as I can remember, I've wanted children. I mean LITERALLY for as long as I can remember. I've been fascinated by babies and pregnancy since I was about 2. People tease me a lot about loving babies so much, and how I'm going to end up pregnant as soon as I'm married...but honestly, if it were just up to me, we really WOULD be having children immediately. It's not practical, no. We don't have the money. We should wait a few years and enjoy married life as a couple first. I know all of these things. People tell me these things constantly, and I always smile and agree with them and say that of course we're going to wait a couple of years. But the truth is, my whole greater purpose in life is to be a mother, and that's the one thing I've always, ALWAYS been sure of. Even when I doubt my abilities as an actress, or my intelligence, or my choices, or anything else that could possibly be doubted about my life and my reason for being here, I have never once doubted that I am supposed to be a mother.
Good grief, this is long. Screw writing 15 things. 10 is enough. I'll make up for it by posting a poem. When I was 11, my poems were really great. I was the best poet in the class, and even had other kids begging me to help them with their poetry assignments. Unfortunately, my abilities as a poet never progressed beyond that of an 11 year old. But I do still dabble.
Simile
sometimes driving down the highway
i wonder where this poetry is
the kind that's supposedly inside me
in this so-called dramatic soul
and all that comes to me are similes
captured old cliches that ring
so prettily in my head
the way the mist twines through the landscape
like a woman's hair through a lover's fingers
or how the street lights shine on a lonely highway
like silver
or how the moon hits your eye
like a big pizza pie
(i never understood that one)
wherefore, romeo, do we relate by comparison?
why does one thing always have to be like some other thing?
i am sure there's some scientific sociological answer
but i don't care much for science
and wouldn't it be nice
to stand on your own
and be like nothing else?
Friday, August 27, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Yesterday I was robbed while at rehearsal. Some very bold thief walked right into the green room, went through my purse, took every cent I had except for one well-hidden dollar (and I mean every cent - they even emptied out my change) and both my credit cards. There were at least twenty people there; this was in broad daylight.
Tonight my car was backed into by a friend while I wasn't there; she called and said it was a "little dented" and scratched, so I said it was no big deal...and then was kind of shocked when I saw the big dent on the back left hand side of my car. No hard feelings, I'm just going to actually bother to have her fix it now - I was going to just leave it when I thought it was a small spot.
Scott no longer has cable...which...is only fair, really, because it had been left hooked up from the last resident and he just never said anything, BUT, the DVD player that is built-in to the TV has also stopped reading disks. Which sucks, because he's only had it since Christmas.
We're out a big chunk of change for having to get his car fixed when the alternator died. Plus he just had to get new tires. Plus my wheels are in desperate need of alignment before my car shakes off the road.
I have, once again, over-committed myself in a big way and no longer have time to do things I need to do. Like plan a wedding. Or at least make my dress.
Now, I'm not normally one to dwell on misfortune...but with the car dent and the robbery ALONE, it seems like the world or fate or God is just out to get both me and Scott this week.
And yet, three months from today, we'll still be married. For better or for worse. So I guess that makes it all okay.
Tonight my car was backed into by a friend while I wasn't there; she called and said it was a "little dented" and scratched, so I said it was no big deal...and then was kind of shocked when I saw the big dent on the back left hand side of my car. No hard feelings, I'm just going to actually bother to have her fix it now - I was going to just leave it when I thought it was a small spot.
Scott no longer has cable...which...is only fair, really, because it had been left hooked up from the last resident and he just never said anything, BUT, the DVD player that is built-in to the TV has also stopped reading disks. Which sucks, because he's only had it since Christmas.
We're out a big chunk of change for having to get his car fixed when the alternator died. Plus he just had to get new tires. Plus my wheels are in desperate need of alignment before my car shakes off the road.
I have, once again, over-committed myself in a big way and no longer have time to do things I need to do. Like plan a wedding. Or at least make my dress.
Now, I'm not normally one to dwell on misfortune...but with the car dent and the robbery ALONE, it seems like the world or fate or God is just out to get both me and Scott this week.
And yet, three months from today, we'll still be married. For better or for worse. So I guess that makes it all okay.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Because sometimes, you just wanna vent.
Alternate title: Mandy and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
For starters, I got no sleep last night. Didn't get back from Rocky til after 2, then got up at 7:30, and I have a cold so it took forever to fall asleep. The reason I got up at 7:30 was to meet up with Michael and carpool to Burnsville for Parkway Playhouse auditions.
Worst. Auditions. Ever.
Don't get me wrong - I felt like my actual audition was great. But the whole process was insanely disorganized, and frustrating to the point that I've decided even if I AM offered a role, I won't accept it. Nothing against Parkway Playhouse in general, because I know a lot of great people who work/have worked for them. And I've heard that in past years, auditions have not been the horrible process they were today. However, seeing as how today is the only experience I have with them...I was thoroughly unimpressed, and I intend to wait at least until next year to try to get involved out there.
Basically, what got me really angry was the complete and utter lack of order. We were numbered as we came in...and those numbers meant absolutely nothing. They didn't take people in order of arrival. At 3:00, there were people who had just been SITTING AROUND since 10:00 and hadn't even gotten to cold read. Meanwhile, there were people who didn't show up until 1:30 who were completely finished by 3:00. I got there at 10:00 and was done by 12:30...but Scott and about four other guys, who also got there at 10:00, was still waiting around. Finally, Scott decided he wasn't even interested in auditioning anymore after seeing the lack of courtesy and professionalism displayed by those running the auditions. I know it was frustrating for the directors, too; they didn't seem to have too much say in the order of things.
It's not that hard, people. Audition actors in the order they show up. If you want to do different groups of guys and girls, that's fine, but MAKE TWO SEPARATE LISTS so you don't have twenty girls finished and the first five guys still sitting around. Let people get their WHOLE audition over with in an orderly fashion instead of expecting them to wait five hours between steps. And if you absolutely have to have someone come back and read for a different part for you, get it done QUICKLY instead of asking them to wait another two hours to read a page of dialogue.
So, by the time we finally got back to Asheville (around 5), I was already just wishing I could start the whole day over and spend it hanging out with Scott instead of completely wasting our time in the middle of Burnsville. Of course, that wasn't the end of the day. When trying to leave for the Alice Underground show, I spent ten minutes looking for my phone. I finally found it, which was good. Then I immediately realized I could not find my license. Finally found it in my floorboard when I got to the theatre; it had fallen out when my purse dumped over at some point.
(After the show was the cast party, which was basically the only really good part of the day. It was a blast, but I wanna get all the bad stuff out of the way first.)
So, Scott took me back to my car after the cast party. I couldn't find my keys anywhere. Finally, I looked inside my car window...to see the keys in the ignition. The only other set is in my mother's purse. Scott brought me home and dropped me off...and then I realized that I should have just gotten him to bring me and get the other set of keys so I could go back and get the car instead of leaving it overnight. It's not exactly parked in the nicest neighborhood; someone I know had her purse stolen out of her car in the same parking lot, and now I'm worried about the possibility of someone breaking the window and taking the car.
And the time changed tonight, so after all that mess, I'm an hour behind on sleep, and I CAN'T sleep anyway because I'm stressed.
The icing on the cake? I came home to find my official rejection letter from Little Shop auditions; I already knew I wasn't cast, but it's such a nice little stab in the back after a long day to find a "Thanks, but no thanks" waiting for you.
The only thing that makes this day at all redeemable was watching (and rewatching) Carol Channing sing a song about jam in a wonderfully horribly campy 1980's TV version of Alice in Wonderland. I laughed til I cried and couldn't sit up straight.
Honestly, that almost makes the whole day worth it.
For starters, I got no sleep last night. Didn't get back from Rocky til after 2, then got up at 7:30, and I have a cold so it took forever to fall asleep. The reason I got up at 7:30 was to meet up with Michael and carpool to Burnsville for Parkway Playhouse auditions.
Worst. Auditions. Ever.
Don't get me wrong - I felt like my actual audition was great. But the whole process was insanely disorganized, and frustrating to the point that I've decided even if I AM offered a role, I won't accept it. Nothing against Parkway Playhouse in general, because I know a lot of great people who work/have worked for them. And I've heard that in past years, auditions have not been the horrible process they were today. However, seeing as how today is the only experience I have with them...I was thoroughly unimpressed, and I intend to wait at least until next year to try to get involved out there.
Basically, what got me really angry was the complete and utter lack of order. We were numbered as we came in...and those numbers meant absolutely nothing. They didn't take people in order of arrival. At 3:00, there were people who had just been SITTING AROUND since 10:00 and hadn't even gotten to cold read. Meanwhile, there were people who didn't show up until 1:30 who were completely finished by 3:00. I got there at 10:00 and was done by 12:30...but Scott and about four other guys, who also got there at 10:00, was still waiting around. Finally, Scott decided he wasn't even interested in auditioning anymore after seeing the lack of courtesy and professionalism displayed by those running the auditions. I know it was frustrating for the directors, too; they didn't seem to have too much say in the order of things.
It's not that hard, people. Audition actors in the order they show up. If you want to do different groups of guys and girls, that's fine, but MAKE TWO SEPARATE LISTS so you don't have twenty girls finished and the first five guys still sitting around. Let people get their WHOLE audition over with in an orderly fashion instead of expecting them to wait five hours between steps. And if you absolutely have to have someone come back and read for a different part for you, get it done QUICKLY instead of asking them to wait another two hours to read a page of dialogue.
So, by the time we finally got back to Asheville (around 5), I was already just wishing I could start the whole day over and spend it hanging out with Scott instead of completely wasting our time in the middle of Burnsville. Of course, that wasn't the end of the day. When trying to leave for the Alice Underground show, I spent ten minutes looking for my phone. I finally found it, which was good. Then I immediately realized I could not find my license. Finally found it in my floorboard when I got to the theatre; it had fallen out when my purse dumped over at some point.
(After the show was the cast party, which was basically the only really good part of the day. It was a blast, but I wanna get all the bad stuff out of the way first.)
So, Scott took me back to my car after the cast party. I couldn't find my keys anywhere. Finally, I looked inside my car window...to see the keys in the ignition. The only other set is in my mother's purse. Scott brought me home and dropped me off...and then I realized that I should have just gotten him to bring me and get the other set of keys so I could go back and get the car instead of leaving it overnight. It's not exactly parked in the nicest neighborhood; someone I know had her purse stolen out of her car in the same parking lot, and now I'm worried about the possibility of someone breaking the window and taking the car.
And the time changed tonight, so after all that mess, I'm an hour behind on sleep, and I CAN'T sleep anyway because I'm stressed.
The icing on the cake? I came home to find my official rejection letter from Little Shop auditions; I already knew I wasn't cast, but it's such a nice little stab in the back after a long day to find a "Thanks, but no thanks" waiting for you.
The only thing that makes this day at all redeemable was watching (and rewatching) Carol Channing sing a song about jam in a wonderfully horribly campy 1980's TV version of Alice in Wonderland. I laughed til I cried and couldn't sit up straight.
Honestly, that almost makes the whole day worth it.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Slutty vs. Sloppy
The world is buried in snow yet again.
Today, after seeing pictures of a beautiful teenage girl in a beautiful dress, I had the thought, "Beauty is wasted on the young!". And then I started really analyzing WHY I had that particular thought. So now you, my few lucky readers, get to sit through my thought process.
My gut reaction for saying beauty is wasted on the young is two-fold. First of all, most girls don't realize just how beautiful they are in high school until about 5-10 years later. Suddenly, they look back at their old photos and think, "Holy crap, I was gorgeous! Why did I waste so much time moping about because I thought I was too fat/too thin/too short/too tall/too ugly?" Second of all...beautiful young girls don't know what to DO with their beauty. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way trying to insinuate that teenagers should dress up to show off all their assets in a provocative way...which, oddly enough, is the first idea that seems to spring to mind when someone mentions "showing off assets". I just think it's a shame that girls don't seem to know or have much interest in dressing for their body type. They inevitably dress in far too revealing clothes that don't actually flatter their figures, no matter what they might think...or they dress in baggy jeans and T-shirts that ALSO don't flatter them.
I'm trying to understand this phenomenon. To break it down in a really basic form...it seems that girls dress like sluts because they want attention, and girls dress in baggy clothes because they don't want attention. What's sad is, both types end up receiving negative attention. If girls were taught to dress in a manner appropriate for their age and body type...I'm no expert, but I imagine it would do wonders for teenage self-esteem.
I realized pretty quickly after I had my first thought (beauty is wasted on the young) that there's a deeper problem. And, while I know the media is an easy target to pin society's problems on...I really believe the media is at least partly at fault here. It's not the only factor by any means. Even without media, teenage body issues would still exist. But fashion is affected by the media...and subsequently, the way teenage girls dress is affected. The ones who end up looking like sluts dress that way because they see adult women in magazines doing so. The women they see are touted as being the sexiest women in the world, so of course girls are going to try to emulate that. Magazines don't tell them, "Oh, by the way, those clothes the model is wearing? Yeah, they look good on her body type, but a very, very small percentage of real people look good in those clothes."
Some girls take the opposite route. They know they can never look like women they see in the media, so they cover their bodies up completely. They make themselves look sloppy, they hide in oversized jeans and boys t-shirts. Their posture slumps because they feel too tall, or because they're ashamed of their figures. They make fun of the girls who dress like sluts, mainly because they think slutty or sloppy are the only two options they have.
Wouldn't it be great if we started teaching teenagers how to dress for their body types? Instead of just showing them pictures of models in magazines and saying, "Here, this is in style. Go swipe your dad's Visa so you can look like this!", wouldn't it be better to teach them that one of the best ways to look fashionable and look good is to dress in a way that flatters them? I think so many girls could benefit from this. It should be a required topic in health class...and it should include all body types. Fat girls, thin girls, short girls, tall girls. Girls with big boobs, girls with big hips, girls who have pencil-thin waists but flabby arms.
It's true that beauty comes from the inside, but sometimes it's hard to see that beauty when you're wearing clothes three times too small that wouldn't even look good if they had them in your real size.
Today, after seeing pictures of a beautiful teenage girl in a beautiful dress, I had the thought, "Beauty is wasted on the young!". And then I started really analyzing WHY I had that particular thought. So now you, my few lucky readers, get to sit through my thought process.
My gut reaction for saying beauty is wasted on the young is two-fold. First of all, most girls don't realize just how beautiful they are in high school until about 5-10 years later. Suddenly, they look back at their old photos and think, "Holy crap, I was gorgeous! Why did I waste so much time moping about because I thought I was too fat/too thin/too short/too tall/too ugly?" Second of all...beautiful young girls don't know what to DO with their beauty. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way trying to insinuate that teenagers should dress up to show off all their assets in a provocative way...which, oddly enough, is the first idea that seems to spring to mind when someone mentions "showing off assets". I just think it's a shame that girls don't seem to know or have much interest in dressing for their body type. They inevitably dress in far too revealing clothes that don't actually flatter their figures, no matter what they might think...or they dress in baggy jeans and T-shirts that ALSO don't flatter them.
I'm trying to understand this phenomenon. To break it down in a really basic form...it seems that girls dress like sluts because they want attention, and girls dress in baggy clothes because they don't want attention. What's sad is, both types end up receiving negative attention. If girls were taught to dress in a manner appropriate for their age and body type...I'm no expert, but I imagine it would do wonders for teenage self-esteem.
I realized pretty quickly after I had my first thought (beauty is wasted on the young) that there's a deeper problem. And, while I know the media is an easy target to pin society's problems on...I really believe the media is at least partly at fault here. It's not the only factor by any means. Even without media, teenage body issues would still exist. But fashion is affected by the media...and subsequently, the way teenage girls dress is affected. The ones who end up looking like sluts dress that way because they see adult women in magazines doing so. The women they see are touted as being the sexiest women in the world, so of course girls are going to try to emulate that. Magazines don't tell them, "Oh, by the way, those clothes the model is wearing? Yeah, they look good on her body type, but a very, very small percentage of real people look good in those clothes."
Some girls take the opposite route. They know they can never look like women they see in the media, so they cover their bodies up completely. They make themselves look sloppy, they hide in oversized jeans and boys t-shirts. Their posture slumps because they feel too tall, or because they're ashamed of their figures. They make fun of the girls who dress like sluts, mainly because they think slutty or sloppy are the only two options they have.
Wouldn't it be great if we started teaching teenagers how to dress for their body types? Instead of just showing them pictures of models in magazines and saying, "Here, this is in style. Go swipe your dad's Visa so you can look like this!", wouldn't it be better to teach them that one of the best ways to look fashionable and look good is to dress in a way that flatters them? I think so many girls could benefit from this. It should be a required topic in health class...and it should include all body types. Fat girls, thin girls, short girls, tall girls. Girls with big boobs, girls with big hips, girls who have pencil-thin waists but flabby arms.
It's true that beauty comes from the inside, but sometimes it's hard to see that beauty when you're wearing clothes three times too small that wouldn't even look good if they had them in your real size.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Willy Wonka, Jr.
It feels far too much like a Friday for some reason, so I'm having trouble getting to sleep. And if the weather keeps up, I might not work tomorrow anyway...I actually sort of HOPE the weather keeps up. I'll be very upset if we had to cancel Willy Wonka and don't even get a snow day to show for it. I'm glad we at least got the school performance in this afternoon, but I WISH they had gone ahead and done the evening performance at 5 instead of trying to wait until 7. Apparently someone didn't want it changed to 5 and made a fuss, but all that did was get the whole thing postponed until (hopefully) Monday. Which is a real shame, since I know at least one kid who had a grandparent who drove in from a couple of states away just to see the show.
Still, I'm hopeful that we'll have a show to do Monday night...and I am so, so proud of these kids. I might have to sit backstage to help the tech crew get their cues for the next show, which will break my heart because I want to watch it again, but at least I got to see them do an amazing job at school this afternoon. They kept the story moving even with all the technical snafus, and I couldn't have asked for anything more.
Yesterday I told Scott that sometimes, I feel like Mary Poppins. I do a lot of contracted work, so I come in for a month or two or three, I put together a show or teach a camp or what have you...and then it's over, and I'm off to the next set of children. I get to stay with the same group of kids a little longer in my preschool classes, but none of them will be with me for more than a year because they'll outgrow the program, and they're so little, I don't even know if they'll remember me. It gets me down sometimes, because I always grow to love my kids. Especially my Wonkerers. At 5:15, I was just watching out the window in tears because I was so afraid my kids weren't going to get to have their second performance, and that I wasn't going to get to see any of them again when I didn't get a chance to give anyone a real goodbye. It really made me realize that I'm going to miss the hell out of these kids. I've seen them five days a week for months, and it's been such a positive experience for me...I can only hope that they've all had a positive experience, too.
I know it's all just part of being a teacher, and I know lots of teachers get attached to their students, especially in something like drama where you spend so much extra time creating a work of art with them. And I am glad that I get to work with so many different ages and ability levels doing contract work. But I do admit that sometimes, I envy some of my colleagues and friends who teach full-time without hopping from place to place. I imagine I wouldn't be so sad about this show ending if I didn't know that it'll probably be the last time I see any of these wonderful, talented kids. I just really hope that I've taught at least some of them something, because they've all taught me way more than I ever expected to learn in this process. I knew I was in for an awesome lesson in how to handle middle schoolers, but it's been so much more than that.
I think the most satisfying lesson actually happened today. I've teased the musical director about how she's the good cop and I'm the bad cop; we've worked incredibly well together, but I've always felt like I was being too tough on the cast. I didn't want to let them off the hook too much, though, because I know how kids can take advantage of a new person if given half the chance (I learned that lesson already and make it a point to start off strict). So I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I was still a little unsure of whether or not the cast actually liked me. I know, it's not important if the kids like you, what's really important is that they've learned something, but it's a really nice bonus when your students like you. I was seriously afraid I wouldn't make it to the afternoon show in time for the beginning today, so I wrote the cast a little note that Beth printed out for them to let them know just how proud I was and just how much I hoped I could get there in time. I wanted to let them know that I WOULD be there for at least part of the show, even if I was late, just in case any of them really were worried about the director being there.
I got my answer when I walked through the doors of the gym - they were onstage singing a warm-up song, and they all stopped singing and started screaming and cheering when they saw I had made it in time. I suddenly felt like I had accomplished something really good, and it wasn't the show. Honestly, the director can only do so much in making a show be good or bad, and the show today was good because the actors made it good. What I HAD accomplished was that I had earned the respect and affection of those wonderful kids. And then seeing them all give such terrific performances...I can only think of one other time off the top of my head that I've been that proud, and that was when I took a high school group to competition and a girl who had never acted before that show won a best actress award.
Okay, I'm starting to get wordy, and I'm basically just rambling on at this point. Let's see if getting all these thoughts out will help me sleep now!
Still, I'm hopeful that we'll have a show to do Monday night...and I am so, so proud of these kids. I might have to sit backstage to help the tech crew get their cues for the next show, which will break my heart because I want to watch it again, but at least I got to see them do an amazing job at school this afternoon. They kept the story moving even with all the technical snafus, and I couldn't have asked for anything more.
Yesterday I told Scott that sometimes, I feel like Mary Poppins. I do a lot of contracted work, so I come in for a month or two or three, I put together a show or teach a camp or what have you...and then it's over, and I'm off to the next set of children. I get to stay with the same group of kids a little longer in my preschool classes, but none of them will be with me for more than a year because they'll outgrow the program, and they're so little, I don't even know if they'll remember me. It gets me down sometimes, because I always grow to love my kids. Especially my Wonkerers. At 5:15, I was just watching out the window in tears because I was so afraid my kids weren't going to get to have their second performance, and that I wasn't going to get to see any of them again when I didn't get a chance to give anyone a real goodbye. It really made me realize that I'm going to miss the hell out of these kids. I've seen them five days a week for months, and it's been such a positive experience for me...I can only hope that they've all had a positive experience, too.
I know it's all just part of being a teacher, and I know lots of teachers get attached to their students, especially in something like drama where you spend so much extra time creating a work of art with them. And I am glad that I get to work with so many different ages and ability levels doing contract work. But I do admit that sometimes, I envy some of my colleagues and friends who teach full-time without hopping from place to place. I imagine I wouldn't be so sad about this show ending if I didn't know that it'll probably be the last time I see any of these wonderful, talented kids. I just really hope that I've taught at least some of them something, because they've all taught me way more than I ever expected to learn in this process. I knew I was in for an awesome lesson in how to handle middle schoolers, but it's been so much more than that.
I think the most satisfying lesson actually happened today. I've teased the musical director about how she's the good cop and I'm the bad cop; we've worked incredibly well together, but I've always felt like I was being too tough on the cast. I didn't want to let them off the hook too much, though, because I know how kids can take advantage of a new person if given half the chance (I learned that lesson already and make it a point to start off strict). So I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I was still a little unsure of whether or not the cast actually liked me. I know, it's not important if the kids like you, what's really important is that they've learned something, but it's a really nice bonus when your students like you. I was seriously afraid I wouldn't make it to the afternoon show in time for the beginning today, so I wrote the cast a little note that Beth printed out for them to let them know just how proud I was and just how much I hoped I could get there in time. I wanted to let them know that I WOULD be there for at least part of the show, even if I was late, just in case any of them really were worried about the director being there.
I got my answer when I walked through the doors of the gym - they were onstage singing a warm-up song, and they all stopped singing and started screaming and cheering when they saw I had made it in time. I suddenly felt like I had accomplished something really good, and it wasn't the show. Honestly, the director can only do so much in making a show be good or bad, and the show today was good because the actors made it good. What I HAD accomplished was that I had earned the respect and affection of those wonderful kids. And then seeing them all give such terrific performances...I can only think of one other time off the top of my head that I've been that proud, and that was when I took a high school group to competition and a girl who had never acted before that show won a best actress award.
Okay, I'm starting to get wordy, and I'm basically just rambling on at this point. Let's see if getting all these thoughts out will help me sleep now!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Life in Images*
Something kind of cool just happened, in a weird chain of events.
I was reading over news stories online, since that's pretty much the only way I get my news. There was some really sad stuff about Haiti, and some really uplifting stuff, including a section on CNN.com where people in Haiti were able to communicate to relatives that they are still alive, and relatives are able to use a search engine to find missing loved ones. For some reason, it made me think of a pen pal I had in 5th grade. She wasn't from Haiti...in fact, I actually can't remember exactly WHERE she was from. I know my very first pen pal was from Jamaica - a boy who never answered the letter I sent - but I was given a new one because the first one never replied. I THINK this girl lived in South Africa, and then after about a year of writing to each other, her family moved to New Zealand. We lost contact pretty soon after that...I think because I lost her address. Our letters had been getting less frequent anyway, so she probably assumed my lack of letters meant I'd just lost interest.
Anyway, I still remembered her name after all these years - Krushanta Naidoo. I think I might have tried to search for her back when the internet first became popular, but nothing at ALL turned up - apparently Krushanta Naidoo isn't that common a name. Who knew? But tonight when I searched, results did show up - and the very first one was a Facebook page. All the info was private, but the picture showed a smiling woman around my age posing with a handsome man. I'm not 100% sure that it's my old pen pal, but she seems to be the right age, she's African, and her face seems like it could be an older version of the 11-year-old girl I had a photograph of for years (I tried to find it, but at some point during a college cleaning I probably threw it out). I sent her a message - we'll wait and see if a) she remembers me and b) it's really the same person at all.
What really struck me, though, and what prompted me to write all this down, was our profile pictures. Like I said before, her profile picture (and the only picture I could view) was of her standing (or sitting) beside a nice looking man, a little taller than she is, looks like he's probably a significant other, and she's got her head on his shoulder. I clicked over to my profile...and realized that while Scott and I live in a different world on a different continent, my picture of us is almost the exact same pose.
And I realized that not only is it extremely interesting how common human experiences are represented by pictures in general, but how the pictures we choose to represent ourselves can often point to where we are in our lives.**
I notice that high school and some college kids in general tend to have vaguely "artistic" photos of themselves. Even kids I know who don't fall under any kind of "emo" label have profile pictures that I would feel safe calling emo.
Then there's the older college kids, who seem to follow a trend of making their profile picture either a) a group shot of them*** and their friends at a party b) a group shot of them and their friends on a big adventure or c) a shot of just them.
Then we move into the post-college crowd...at this point a lot of people I know are in serious, long-term relationships, and that, too, is reflected in their profile pictures. I am no exception. A few of the newlyweds have pictures of their wedding day.
Once we start getting past marriage, the next step is often a picture of the new house/apartment. Or, if that step is skipped, the next picture is of the new baby (or, increasingly, baby-on-the-way; ultrasound pics seem to be a new trend).
Oh, and my friends who don't have kids or SOs, or maybe just SOs but not kids, tend to have pictures of their cats.
Now, I don't have a lot of friends who are past the kid stage of their lives. Even my friends with older kids usually have some sort of picture of themselves and their kids as their profile image. However, I do find it interesting that out of the small number of people I know who are past children and into retirement, most of them have almost reverted back to the high school picture - a solitary shot, not really emo, but usually a quiet, simple sort of artistic.
Maybe I'm the only one who has observed these trends among my friends, but I do think it's quite interested to see how a social networking site can paint such a timeline of life events just by observing profile pictures.
*I would like to point out that I find this entire post little ironic, considering the title of this blog and my opinion of my own "image".
**I do realize that everyone does not fit these stereotypes. I'm just observing the trend.
***Please excuse my lack of grammar; I know it isn't proper to use "themselves" or "themself" the way I am here, but I get so sick of the whole "his or herself" thing.
I was reading over news stories online, since that's pretty much the only way I get my news. There was some really sad stuff about Haiti, and some really uplifting stuff, including a section on CNN.com where people in Haiti were able to communicate to relatives that they are still alive, and relatives are able to use a search engine to find missing loved ones. For some reason, it made me think of a pen pal I had in 5th grade. She wasn't from Haiti...in fact, I actually can't remember exactly WHERE she was from. I know my very first pen pal was from Jamaica - a boy who never answered the letter I sent - but I was given a new one because the first one never replied. I THINK this girl lived in South Africa, and then after about a year of writing to each other, her family moved to New Zealand. We lost contact pretty soon after that...I think because I lost her address. Our letters had been getting less frequent anyway, so she probably assumed my lack of letters meant I'd just lost interest.
Anyway, I still remembered her name after all these years - Krushanta Naidoo. I think I might have tried to search for her back when the internet first became popular, but nothing at ALL turned up - apparently Krushanta Naidoo isn't that common a name. Who knew? But tonight when I searched, results did show up - and the very first one was a Facebook page. All the info was private, but the picture showed a smiling woman around my age posing with a handsome man. I'm not 100% sure that it's my old pen pal, but she seems to be the right age, she's African, and her face seems like it could be an older version of the 11-year-old girl I had a photograph of for years (I tried to find it, but at some point during a college cleaning I probably threw it out). I sent her a message - we'll wait and see if a) she remembers me and b) it's really the same person at all.
What really struck me, though, and what prompted me to write all this down, was our profile pictures. Like I said before, her profile picture (and the only picture I could view) was of her standing (or sitting) beside a nice looking man, a little taller than she is, looks like he's probably a significant other, and she's got her head on his shoulder. I clicked over to my profile...and realized that while Scott and I live in a different world on a different continent, my picture of us is almost the exact same pose.
And I realized that not only is it extremely interesting how common human experiences are represented by pictures in general, but how the pictures we choose to represent ourselves can often point to where we are in our lives.**
I notice that high school and some college kids in general tend to have vaguely "artistic" photos of themselves. Even kids I know who don't fall under any kind of "emo" label have profile pictures that I would feel safe calling emo.
Then there's the older college kids, who seem to follow a trend of making their profile picture either a) a group shot of them*** and their friends at a party b) a group shot of them and their friends on a big adventure or c) a shot of just them.
Then we move into the post-college crowd...at this point a lot of people I know are in serious, long-term relationships, and that, too, is reflected in their profile pictures. I am no exception. A few of the newlyweds have pictures of their wedding day.
Once we start getting past marriage, the next step is often a picture of the new house/apartment. Or, if that step is skipped, the next picture is of the new baby (or, increasingly, baby-on-the-way; ultrasound pics seem to be a new trend).
Oh, and my friends who don't have kids or SOs, or maybe just SOs but not kids, tend to have pictures of their cats.
Now, I don't have a lot of friends who are past the kid stage of their lives. Even my friends with older kids usually have some sort of picture of themselves and their kids as their profile image. However, I do find it interesting that out of the small number of people I know who are past children and into retirement, most of them have almost reverted back to the high school picture - a solitary shot, not really emo, but usually a quiet, simple sort of artistic.
Maybe I'm the only one who has observed these trends among my friends, but I do think it's quite interested to see how a social networking site can paint such a timeline of life events just by observing profile pictures.
*I would like to point out that I find this entire post little ironic, considering the title of this blog and my opinion of my own "image".
**I do realize that everyone does not fit these stereotypes. I'm just observing the trend.
***Please excuse my lack of grammar; I know it isn't proper to use "themselves" or "themself" the way I am here, but I get so sick of the whole "his or herself" thing.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Directing vs. Acting
I'm taking a self-imposed break from most things theatrical for a while until I can get my wedding planning off the ground. Right now, all I've got on my plate is directing Willy Wonka, Jr. at CDS and a Tuesday night acting class I'm getting ready to start teaching elsewhere.
I got to thinking about the kids in Willy Wonka. I'm really impressed by the talent that was shown when they auditioned, and they've been just about as professional as middle schoolers can be expected to be. There are two kids in particular that I was thinking about today; both of them phenomenally talented for their age, and sadly, both of them a little unhappy with their roles.
At least, I THINK they're a little unhappy. For the most part, they're very good sports, but I can tell every now and then that they don't quite understand why they weren't given what they consider "better" parts. The thing is, the reason they have the parts they were cast in is BECAUSE they're so talented. Even though I've tried to reiterate to them that their roles are two of the most challenging in the show (vocally and otherwise), I really think that THEY think I'm just saying that to be encouraging. And I'm not. I really mean it. They were perfect for the roles because I just couldn't see any other kids handling the specific vocality that's required. The roles I cast them in are really and truly two of my favorite characters in the show, and these kids are pulling it off beautifully.
And it got me to thinking...sometimes I wish all actors knew what directors take into consideration when casting a show. Because I've been there, too. Sometimes, as actors...we get parts and we think, "But I KNOW I deserve a better role. I KNOW I totally rocked that audition...and quite frankly, I know I'm better than such-and-such actor who got the lead." Don't deny it; you all know it's true. We've all had those thoughts. It's INCREDIBLY hard to imagine that maybe, just maybe, you got the part you got BECAUSE you're talented and no one else could handle the character role. Let's face it; it's fairly easy to play a lead most of the time. That doesn't mean we don't all want them at some point or another, but leads are typically not the most challenging roles. It's the comic character parts with the funny accents that are the most difficult to pull off successfully.
I just wish I could let these kids know that they really, REALLY are talented and that's why they got the parts they did. I know it wouldn't really help, because that kind of stuff only makes sense when you've been on the other side. If a director had told me five years ago that they cast me in what I considered a crap role because I was talented, not because I sucked...I probably wouldn't have believed them. It might have made me feel a little bit better, but not much.
Oh well. Maybe they'll both grow up and become directors and understand what I was doing. Until then...it's snowy, and cold, and I'm very disappointed that Montford apparently decided not to have a 12th Night party this January. David, if you're reading this, we should totally throw a guerrilla 12th Night celebration after the board meeting next weekend. Except by the time it's over, we will be clawing at the door to get out of that green room.
I got to thinking about the kids in Willy Wonka. I'm really impressed by the talent that was shown when they auditioned, and they've been just about as professional as middle schoolers can be expected to be. There are two kids in particular that I was thinking about today; both of them phenomenally talented for their age, and sadly, both of them a little unhappy with their roles.
At least, I THINK they're a little unhappy. For the most part, they're very good sports, but I can tell every now and then that they don't quite understand why they weren't given what they consider "better" parts. The thing is, the reason they have the parts they were cast in is BECAUSE they're so talented. Even though I've tried to reiterate to them that their roles are two of the most challenging in the show (vocally and otherwise), I really think that THEY think I'm just saying that to be encouraging. And I'm not. I really mean it. They were perfect for the roles because I just couldn't see any other kids handling the specific vocality that's required. The roles I cast them in are really and truly two of my favorite characters in the show, and these kids are pulling it off beautifully.
And it got me to thinking...sometimes I wish all actors knew what directors take into consideration when casting a show. Because I've been there, too. Sometimes, as actors...we get parts and we think, "But I KNOW I deserve a better role. I KNOW I totally rocked that audition...and quite frankly, I know I'm better than such-and-such actor who got the lead." Don't deny it; you all know it's true. We've all had those thoughts. It's INCREDIBLY hard to imagine that maybe, just maybe, you got the part you got BECAUSE you're talented and no one else could handle the character role. Let's face it; it's fairly easy to play a lead most of the time. That doesn't mean we don't all want them at some point or another, but leads are typically not the most challenging roles. It's the comic character parts with the funny accents that are the most difficult to pull off successfully.
I just wish I could let these kids know that they really, REALLY are talented and that's why they got the parts they did. I know it wouldn't really help, because that kind of stuff only makes sense when you've been on the other side. If a director had told me five years ago that they cast me in what I considered a crap role because I was talented, not because I sucked...I probably wouldn't have believed them. It might have made me feel a little bit better, but not much.
Oh well. Maybe they'll both grow up and become directors and understand what I was doing. Until then...it's snowy, and cold, and I'm very disappointed that Montford apparently decided not to have a 12th Night party this January. David, if you're reading this, we should totally throw a guerrilla 12th Night celebration after the board meeting next weekend. Except by the time it's over, we will be clawing at the door to get out of that green room.
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